My Self Care Journey: More About the Maker

My Self Care Journey: More About the Maker
Picture of Kim Cross, the owner of She Sells Bombs. This post is about her self care journey.
A somewhat fairly decent picture of myself, the ”She” in She Sells Bombs: Ms. Kim Cross ♥️

My self-care journey has been full of ups and downs and bumps along the way. But while the road hasn’t always been smooth, it has certainly been a journey worth taking.

I haven’t always been kind to myself. I’ve cut corners when it came to my own health, and I haven’t always put my health at the top of my list of priorities. In not doing so, I wound up letting others influence my decisions, and it led me down a dark and lonely path. However, with that being said, I have definitely come a long way.

The Catalyst that Triggered my Self-Care Journey

One particularly tough, yet critical aspect of my life changed dramatically after I got into some legal troubles because of an overwhelming physical and mental addiction to drugs and alcohol. I made some embarrassing and just plain stupid choices that took me down a road in which I will never allow myself to travel down again. A road that wounded and curved all the way to the local county jail. I ended up in Lincoln County Recovery Court, where I was given an ultimatum by the judge. He told me that I had to make the life-altering decision to either give up drugs and alcohol completely, OR I could spend the next year and a half of my life behind bars. I couldn’t bear the thought of being separated from my family, especially my baby girl, Chansity, who was only 5 at the time. She needed her mama, and I chose to change every aspect of my entire life for her. I wanted her to be proud of her mama, not ashamed. It was time to make a drastic change

My addiction led me down a dark path,ans it was only when I surrendered that I finally began to see the light.

On October 25th, 2018, I willingly entered into my first rehab facility for my addiction to chemical substances. It was there that I was given some very valuable resources and tools for living a healthy lifestyle free from all mind-altering and mood-changing substances. I went to my first AA and NA meetings, and I discovered that I wasn’t alone in this struggle. I learned that there is no shame in admitting that you need help.

Memphis Recovery Center was where I called home for 96 and a half days. It was there that I was introduced to a new way of life. One that enabled me to pull myself out of the depths of the hell I’d been living, and for that, I’ll be forever grateful. I learned about and eventually completed all the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) & Narcotics Anonymous (NA). After nearly 2 years of intense conditioning and hard work, I was one of the very first graduates to successfully complete the recovery court program in my hometown. Since then, Lincoln County Recovery Court has helped many others like me. Good people who made some bad decisions based upon a lack of insight and deep, meaningful connections. I’ll forever be indebted to those who chose to love me when I could not love myself.

** If you or a loved one is local to Tennessee or surrounding states, I emphatically urge you to give Memphis Recovery Center a try. ** They have specially-trained, licensed counselors who genuinely care about your wellbeing, many of which have struggled with addiction and/or alcoholism themselves at one time or another, and have chosen to help others find their way out. My counselor, Mrs. Vivian (“Mrs. V”) was an absolute God-send to me and could help you as well. If you’re not local to Tennessee, please don’t give up hope because there are many other well-established and effective rehabilitation facilities all over the world. If you need help, don’t be too ashamed or too proud to ask for it. For it was in the depths of my weakness that I found strength.

I know it’s hard, believe me, but darling, if I’ve learned anything during my journey to self-love, it’s this: the price you’ll pay to avoid it will ALWAYS be greater than the price you’ll pay to face it.

One way that I have learned to be more mentally health-conscious is through prayer and meditation.

Prayer has single-handedly been one of the most soul-cleansing pieces to my personal self-care journey, by far. 💯

There is something so intense, something so completely pure and overwhelmingly powerful about the moment one surrenders His/Her life over to God. A newly-created being begins to emerge and grow and prosper at precisely the moment our knees hit the floor. Whether or not you believe in the God of the Bible, prayer can still be a powerful form of taking care of yourself mentally. I know without a single ounce of doubt that there is a power out there that is much greater than I, and I hope that you do as well. You’re not at all obligated to call Him (or “Her” if that’s more your style) God if you would rather not.

You’re completely free to believe whatever you want, you only have to know and believe that the following 4 statements are 100% true and accurate…

  1. This Higher Power exists.
  2. This Higher Power is far more powerful and greater than you are or will ever be.
  3. This Higher Power is an all-knowing entity who has an intricate plan for His/Her/Its/Etc. glorious will to be carried out.
  4. This Higher Power loves and cares for you immensely and wants nothing but the absolute best for you always.

As long as you keep those facts in mind, you shouldn’t have much trouble at all coming up with a sincere, heart-felt prayer. All you have to do is speak like you’re talking to a loving friend who cares for you greatly. Ask your Higher Power (I’ll say ”HP” for short) for guidance and knowledge of His/Her/Its will. Ask that your HP keep you and your loved ones safe and well taken care of physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And even more importantly, BELIEVE that your prayer will be answered. I think this is where many people fall short when it comes to prayer. It’s extremely vital to have full faith that your HP won’t let you down and will never leave you hanging.

Then feel free to ask for anything else you’d like to, and tell Him/Her/It anything else you’d like to mention. Your prayer can be as long or as brief as you wish. There are no set rules on how this absolutely must be done before your HP will listen and answer your prayers. Again, prayer has played an integral and important role in my self-care journey, and it is my hope that it can be in yours as well. 🙏🛐

Meditation has been an important piece of my self-care journey.

Meditation is also a vital part of my daily self-care routine. It’s very much like prayer in that it is a very spiritual experience where you are trying to connect with God or your Higher Power. Guided meditation involves listening to a guide who expertly leads you and tell you what relaxing steps to take next, like when exactly to breathe in and when to exhale… that sort of thing. I have made meditation a daily part of my healthy self-loving lifestyle, ever since I began this journey centered around self-love/self-care. I have found prayer and meditation to be immensely helpful to my mentality and to my overall outlook on life itself.

Taking the ultimate self-care bath is another favorite way of mine to relieve unwanted stress and tension. ✔️ Read this new related blog post entitled, ”7 Tips for Taking the Ultimate Self-Care Bath.” Leave me a comment if you enjoyed it and/or if you have any other tips to add!!

Try these handmade essential oil-infused bath salts in soothing, calming scents. They’re packed with minerals like magnesium that are helpful at relieving stress-induced muscle tension and anxiety.

Along this life-changing self-care journey, I have uncovered much insight into myself and the way I operate. I no longer feel ashamed of my journey; instead, I’ve learned to accept it for all that is has taught me. I wouldn’t trade my tough life experiences now for anything because they have taught me things that I otherwise would never have learned. I’m grateful to God especially, and also to everyone else who played a critical role in my recovery. These days I’m living life according to His will, instead of my own. My way got me locked up, but His way is far more purposeful and grand than I can fathom, and I choose to trust in Him daily. I’ve surrendered the need for control, as it no longer serves me. I take one day at a time, one hour at a time, sometimes even one breath at a time.

I look at my precious daughter, who’s now 9 years old, and I wonder what I did to deserve her. She was my strength and always will be. She’s proud of who her mama is today, and I can’t express how much that means to me! I hope that my struggles were never in vain, and that I have helped at least one person to keep hoping, keep praying, and to never give up. There’s always hope. ♥️

I still have a long way to go, and there is still much room for improvement in many ways. But overall, at least I can love myself now. There was a time when I couldn’t love who I was, but with the help of God, my friends, and family, I choose to be gentle with myself. I make a conscious choice every day when I wake up to unconditionally love my flaws, for they are what make me human. And you should learn to be kind to yourself as well! It’s more important than you can imagine.

HELP IS ONE CALL AWAY! There is life abundant and free on the other side of addiction.

There is ALWAYS hope.

One day at a time.

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